-Maturity is the ability to control anger and
settle differences without violence.
-Maturity is patience. It is the willingness
to pass up immediate pleasure in favor of a long-term gain.
-Maturity is perseverance, the ability to
sweat out a project or a situation in spite of heavy opposition and
discouraging setbacks.
-Maturity is the capacity to face unpleasantness
and frustration, discomfort and defeat, without complaint or collapse.
-Maturity is being big enough to say, "I was
wrong." And when right, the mature person need not experience the
satisfaction of saying, "I told you so."
-Maturity is the ability to make a decision
and stand by it. The immature spend their lives exploring endless
possibilities and then do nothing.
-Maturity means dependability, keeping one's
word and coming through in a crisis. The immature are masters of
the alibi. They are confused and conflicted. Their lives are
a maze of broken promises, former friends, unfinished business and good
intentions that somehow never materialize.
-Maturity is the art of living in peace with
what we cannot change, the courage to change what should be changed and
the wisdom to know the difference.
Reasons to leave your lover: Warning signs of an abusive
personality
1. A push for quick involvement. Comes on very strong,
claiming, "I've never felt loved like this by anyone." An abuser
pressures for an exclusive commitment almost immediately.
2. Jealously. Excessively possessive, calls constantly
or visits unexpectedly, prevents you from going to places without him/her
because you "might meet someone" - checks up on you.
3. Controlling. Interrogates you intensely (especially
if you're late) about whom you talked to and where you were, insist you
ask permission to go anywhere or do anything without him/her.
4. Unrealistic expectations. Expects you to be the perfect
person and meet his/her every need.
5. Isolation. Tries to cut you off from friends; accuses
people who are your supporters of causing trouble; the abuser may deprive
you of a phone call or prevent you from going places with others.
6. Blames others for problems and mistakes. The teacher,
boss, you, etc. --it's always someone else's fault if anything goes wrong.
7. Makes everyone else responsible for his/her feelings. The
abuser says, "You make me angry, why do you always push me into...?" instead
of "I'm angry." Less obvious is the claim, "Only you can make me
happy."
8. Hypersensitivity. Is easily insulted, claiming that
his/her feelings are hurt when he/she is really mad. They'll rant
about the injustice of things that are just part of life.
9. Cruelty to animals and to children. Kills or punishes
animals brutally. Also, may expect children to do things that are
far beyond their ability or may tease them until they cry. Sixty-five
percent of abusers who beat their partner will also abuse children.
10. Playful use of force during intimacy. Enjoys throwing
you down or holding you down against your will.
1. Do you constantly check up on your partner
and accuse him or her of being with other people?
2. Are you extremely jealous or possessive?
3. Have you hit, kicked, shoved, or thrown things
at your partner?
4. Do you constantly insult or criticize your partner?
5. Do you become violent when you drink or use drugs?
6. Have you threatened your partner or broken things in your partner's presence?
7. Have you forced your partner to have sex with
you or intimidated your partner so that he or she is afraid to say no?
8. Have you threatened to hurt your partner?
9. Have you threatened to hurt yourself if your partner breaks up with you?
If one or more of the above questions applies
to your behavior, realize that you are inflicting physical, emotional,
verbal, or sexual abuse on your partner. If you can recognize that
what you are doing is wrong, then--
1. You have to take responsibility for your actions.
2. You can't blame your behavior on your partner or drugs or alcohol.
3. You can change the way you act if you get
supportive counseling.
4. You can call a crisis hotline for the number of a program or go to the counseling center
at your school.
5. Unless you do something about it, it's going to get worse, and your violence will increase.
6. You might be breaking the law with your abusive behavior.
ARE YOU BEING ABUSED?
Ask yourself these questions:
1. Are you frightened by your partner's temper?
2. Are you afraid to disagree with your partner?
3. Are you constantly apologizing for your partner's behavior?
4. Do you have to justify every place you go, everything you do, or every person you see
just to avoid your partner's anger?
5. Does your partner constantly put you down and then tells you that he or she loves you?
6. Have you ever been hit, kicked, shoved, or had things thrown at you?
7. Do you not see family or friends or do things just because of your partner's jealousy?
8. Have you been forced into having sex when you didn't want to?
9. Are you afraid to break up because
your partner has threatened to hurt you or himself/herself?
If one or more of the above questions applies
to your relationship, you are being abused and you can make choices.
You can:
1. End the relationship and choose not to see your partner.
2. get help from someone you trust, preferably an adult.
3. Go to your counseling center art school.
4. Call (800) 572-SAFE (7233) for referral to a local support program in your area.
MALE AND FEMALE RIGHTS IN A DATING RELATIONSHIP
I have the right not to be abused--physically, emotionally,
or sexually
I have the right to "fall out of love" with someone
and live with no threats
I have the right to express my own opinions
I have the right to have my needs be as important
as my partner's needs
I have the right to grow as an individual in my own
behavior
Taste all the flavors at the 31 flavors ice cream
store. (No charge for a taste)
Go to the airport and watch people.
Go to the end of the runway and watch a 747 land
at the airport.
Go to the library.
Go to the classiest hotel you can find and walk around
like you live there.
Watch TV in a department store.
Go to the park and swing on the swings.
Watch the sunset together.
Or stay up and watch the sunrise, that's even better.
Play Frisbee.
Attend a lecture/concert series at the community
colleges.
Go to the swap meet.
Go to art galleries, go to antique shops, go to book
stores.
Climb a small mountain.
Play tennis.
Visit model homes.
Go to a lake to swim.
Go to the center to window shop and watch the ice skating
or roller skating.
Go to the shows and exhibits happening almost continually
at various shopping malls.
Bicycle ride anyplace.
Go to a glider field and watch the gliders.
See exhibits at the museum.
Get you name on gallery mailing lists so you'll be
invited to showings.
Some manufacturing plants have tours: Radio &
TV Stations too. Call those you're interested in for special arrangements.
Go to the zoo; in many towns it's free.
Go to church or synagogue. Some have services on
Wednesday evening or other days.
Attend auctions. Doesn't cost anything if you
don't buy anything. You may have to make a deposit bid, but it will
be applied to your purchase or returned to you if you don't buy anything.
Watch a building being built.
Attend Sierra Club meetings. You can attend
one now and then without worrying about joining.
Fish in one of the lakes or canals (most places require
fishing licenses, though).
Listen to the music in a record shop.
Check records out at the public library to listen
to everything from rock to classical.
Prowl around in goodwill and Salvation Army stores,
especially the book sections.
Attend garage and yard sales.
What's available in your apartment recreation center--pool,
billiards, Ping-Pong, checkers, jig-saw puzzles? All fun and free.
Play chess.
Or get a bunch of friends together to play board
games--Scrabble, Monopoly, Life, Candyland, whatever your favorites are.
Go tubing on a river.
Attend city council meetings.
Read poetry to each other. Write poetry to
each other.
If it rains, be sure to go for a walk together in
the rain.
Hunt rocks in any convenient river bottom, preferably
dry, to build a rock garden.
